I know it’s a long title, but I wanted to get the message across. (Also, in full honesty, the paperwork hasn’t come back yet so legally my name hasn’t changed. )
I’m at a point in my life where a lot of my friends are getting married.
Thankfully, we live in an age that doesn’t assume any real tradition about weddings or marriage. Marriage and weddings used to be so uniform, but today a marriage can freely serve as the creative expression of a couple in living out their respective callings in Christ.
Before I got married, I was grateful for every person who asked me if I intended to change my name. Their questions acknowledge that it was a difficult choice to make, and that it was indeed a choice that could be made. I didn’t have to make the change, and I know many women who have elected not to change their name.
I respect and celebrate any woman who chooses not to change their surname. There are many reasons why someone would choose to keep their “maiden” name. Some element of it is about a woman’s freedom and independence. For some women, they choose to keep their name because so much of their identity is bound up in that title. This identity may be sentimental or it may be financial. A person’s name can become so iconic for them it may prove detrimental to their career to change their name.
My hesitancy was really bound up in my love for my family, and the honor our family maintains. I’ve had the name Hawkins my whole life, and it carries more meaning for me than my first name because it is associated with an extended community unit.
Although I have family who do not share the same surname as I do, there is something unifying about being surrounded by a bunch of people who share your name. Members of the Hawkins clan even wear the family crest in signet rings and pendants in the style of a Game of Thrones dynasty.
I am the first person in my family to lose the Hawkins name, or at least the surname, and that’s hard.
Names are important therefore name changes are also important. I decided to take on my husband’s surname for two reasons.
The first is simple, William asked. He has again and again acknowledged how difficult it is to let go of one name for another, and his honest support has made me view my name change as a beautiful gift I can give to him. As I considered the issue while we were still engaged, I knew it was the best wedding gift I could ever give him, and it would demonstrate my love for him.
The other reason I chose to change my name is because name changes are consistently markers of spiritual change in the Bible. Simon became Peter, Abram became Abraham, Sari became Sarah.*
Perhaps my favorite story of God changing someone’s name is when Jacob’s name is changed to Israel. When Jacob wrested with the divine character in Genesis 32, he was seeking a blessing or good things to come his way. In response, the divine figure both wounded and blessed Jacob, and gave him a new name to reflect his relationship with God. His name went from being Jacob which means “grab by the heal” to Israel which means “wrestles with God.” That name went on to be the title used of all the followers of YHWH in the Old Testament.
In that moment, the relationship between Jacob and YHWH shifted dramatically. The relationship became much more familiar. In a very real sense, the name Israel or “wrestles with God” did not just became a characterization for how Jacob interacted with God, but it reflects how all the faithful people interact with God. The people of God don’t just worship and serve God; they wrestle with God through the good times and bad. They ask for blessings and sometimes feel wounded. They are engaged in a real, honest relationship in which identity is always on the line.
My new surname is Newkirk which means “new church” in Dutch. In a way, our marriage represents the founding of a new community of faith. Our family is a new little church, faithful to God through times of blessing and times of struggle. I decided to change my name as marker of the new spiritual reality that we are entering into together.
Kena Hawkins Newkirk 