My Snark Jar

When I was a senior in college, I began an amazing adventure of leading a small Bible study out of my apartment with some of my closest friends.  It was so lovely to gather and do life together in this way.

As the basis of our study, I decided to use Rachael Held Evans’s book A Year of Biblical Womanhood.  If you’ve never heard of it, Evans was loosely inspired by A.J. Jacob’s book A Year of Living Biblical in which author Jacob attempts to live out every single commandment from the Bible as closely as possible.  Evans took a more spiritual approach and tackled topics which have traditionally been considered virtues for ‘Godly womanhood.’  Such topics include modesty, domesticity, purity, and submission.

“Strong willed” and “thoroughly modern,” Evans breaks apart Christian clichés  about how women should act by investigating and practicing Biblical commands as closely as possible.

I decided our group would tackle each topic head, and each meeting we would attempt an activity which reflected the virtue.  One such virtue with which we all experimented was the virtue of  Gentleness.  While examining this virtue, Evans decided to follow the commands of 1 Peter 3:4

 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

She decides that watching her tongue is the best was to guard against an ungentle spirit.  She resolves to avoid all gossiping, nagging, complaining, and snark for the duration of one month.  For every time she is caught in violation, she would have to add a penny to her “Jar of Contention” and do penance for her actions.

I decided my Bible study would embark on the same experiment for two weeks (half the time of Evans).  We got mason jars and tied ribbons and prayers to them to help make the jars less intimidating.  We lovingly called our new creations “Snark Jars.”

Little did we know we picked the worst time to give up gossiping, nagging, complaining, and snark.

We began our challenge in January of 2014, which some of you might remember that time fondly as the Snowpocalypse! In North Carolina, that meant two weeks of snow, cold, and icy walkways on which to slip.  The times we did make it to class we found out our classmates had become aware of our project.  In the broadcasting lab when one of the “snark jar” girls made as sour comment or barked at a camera operator the recipient of the ill word would tell them to make sure to add it to the jar.

In that same week, I wrecked our apartment trying to make tea to warm up from the cold.  I accidentally left something on the eye and my roommate, Hannah, rushed to my aid with a fire extinguisher.  Next minute, the fire department was swarming our apartment and breaking windows open to vent the fumes. We had to vacate the apartment for two days while the place aired out and we deep-cleaned all the surfaces. Meanwhile we spent the night on a friend’s futon.

When we did make it back inside, the windows were still wonky from the fire fighter’s rescue efforts.  The snow and cold blew relentlessly through the cracked windows as we shivered under blankets.

Needless to say snark and complaining abounded.  To our credit, we developed a loophole by which we would say something like this:

“Hannah, I’m not complaining, but I want to point out that due to the broken window the thermostat reads 48 degrees.”

or

“Kena, I’m not being snarky, but all of the camera people today could not line up a shot to save their lives .“

It was a rough two weeks.  But if anyone was curious, I would whole hardheartedly recommend a Snark Jar to anyone.  More than anything it promoted mindfulness, which was exactly the point.

I don’t think any woman or girl should ever feel like they should tone down their confidence or spunk in order to conform to a personality of meek accommodation. But we all should be critical of our motives when we speak. Are we saying something that is helpful or hurtful? Are we building people up or pulling people down? Are we making a sarcastic joke that everyone can laugh at or is the joke at another’s expense?

From my experience, it’s a fine line.  I sill keep my jar by my desk as remainder of the impact of my words; although, I don’t do penance anymore.